Brilliantly Sarcastic Quotes From Sabrina's Salem Saberhagen Quotes

While Sabrina Spellman may have been at the centre of the supernatural shenanigans in Sabrina The Teenage Witch, it was Salem, the wily and sarcastic talking black cat, who often stole the spotlight with his razor-sharp wit and sardonic humour. From offering unconventional advice to delivering hilarious one-liners, Salem's quips have become iconic in the world of pop culture so we’re taking a look at the best sarcastic quotes from Salem Saberhagen.

Salem: [playing with a tassel on a cushion] "Don't you toy with me you saucy minx!”

Salem: “Let's destroy everything that's dear to him. Let's indoctrinate him into the cathedral of agony.”

Zelda: “I'm gonna write him a very stern letter.”

Salem: “You're a regular Mad Max aren't ya?”

Salem: “Dogs guard; cats watch... and judge.”

Harvey: “A penny saved is a penny earned.”

Salem: “Don't eat the yellow snow.”

Sabrina: “You are so weird!”

Salem: “[nodding]  It helps break up the day.”

Hilda: “What's my bra doing on the roof?”

Salem: “Erm, the squirrels needed a nutfeeder…”

Zelda: “What's the matter?”

Sabrina: “What's the matter? I have to be a witch, I have to be a mortal, I have to be a teenager and I have to be a girl all at the same time. That's what's the matter.”

Salem: “At least you still have your thumbs... and a door on your bathroom!”

Salem: “Hello, this is your guard speaking. Harvey is at the front door, and send me a sandwich!”

Hilda: “I just haven't turned myself into wind in years.”

Salem: “Would cabbage help?”

Salem: “I'm gonna be tossed out into the snow on my nicely rounded buttocks.”

Zelda: “Salem, you owe Sabrina an apology. Now!”

Salem: “I’m thinking of how to word it.”

Hilda: “Try 'I’m sorry.'”

Salem: “Somehow, that just doesn’t feel right…”

Harvey: “Salem invited me. He said there would be food and fireworks.”

Salem: “I have lighted the fuse. Now I just have to wait for the kapowie! Muahahaha!”

Sabrina: “Salem, what are you doing?”

Salem: “Nothing!”

Sabrina: “You’re in a chatroom again pretending to be a woman, aren’t you?”

Salem: “I like the attention”

Salem: “I found the Fountain of Youth! It's the toilet!”

Salem: “That's awful. I hate prejudice. Do you know how many women have rejected me just because I have four legs and a tail? It's wrong, I tell ya! Why don't they care about what's inside?”

Sabrina: “Salem, what's on the inside of you, is a selfish, misogynistic pig.”

Salem: “Hey, pigs are people too!”

Salem: “Show me the tuna.”

Salem: “I never cared for the name Mildred.”

Salem: “I need a little fresh air and a latte.”

Salem: "You're right. You can read my mind. And now you're sensing my great need to stop in Philadelphia for a cheese-steak." 

Salem: "Cheetos should be served at room temperature, you know." 

Salem: “So you’re telling me that even a fictional talking cat had a grunge/emo phase? Coincidence? I THINK NOT!”

Salem: “I love food. I never get tired of food – especially when I’m full. Oh, when I’m full I just think of ways to fill in my belly even more. I mean, more M&Ms PLEASE!”

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